A Time for Dancing

I have been partaking in a lot of dance parties lately: I turn up the music in the apartment, or at work, or in the car ... and Harrison and I dance our socks off together. Jeremy joins in when he’s around, or he is the instigator in the first place, and the space we are in is immediately filled with shared laughter and pure joy.

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Here’s the deal- I used to be so hesitant to move around in any way that signified “trying to dance.” I am so not coordinated enough in my own body to make movement that looks like any commercial or creative form of beauty. Dances in middle school and high school were extra awkward because I literally didn’t know what to do. Weddings found me standing on the sidelines until coerced to join the party or until there was enough bubbly flowing. I didn’t have the confidence in me to put myself out there and find freedom in my movement. 

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I married a man who can DANCE. Seriously you guys, if you haven’t seen Jer on the dance floor, you are missing out on something amazing. I’ve always admired his ability to just get out there and do it, it’s something that drew me to him in our early years. He’s creative, he’s coordinated, he has control over his body in ways I don’t understand, and he has so much fun doing it. For a long while, that made me feel even more self-conscious about my “dancing.” We were not quite compatible in that department. I do have my “moves,” and those who know me well can attest to them. I’ve taken Liz Lemon’s Microwave and made it my own, my Cup Dance is pretty great, and if you’re one of a lucky few, you’ve seen my Timberdoodle (reference here and here and here, for starters).

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I’ve been in childcare for so many years. I volunteered at a foster home in China, I worked at a day care, I’ve done nursery and preschool in church, I’ve been babysitting for as long as I remember, and I’ve held a slew of full-time nannying jobs, including the one I have right now. And now of course I am a mother as well to my sweet, wild, uninhibited little Kozling. So I’ve actually been instigating dance parties for years and years ... in the comfort of my home or others, with no other adults around, letting myself be uninhibited alongside the toddlers I’m watching. They have so much freedom in their movement. So much un-coordination as well. Enough to make me feel okay about myself, hah. They’ll flail around and fall on the floor or run in to each other and just keep moving, just keep dancing. Joyously, fearlessly. And so I do the same with them. 

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I went to a wedding a few weeks ago and there was dancing at the reception. I surprised both myself and my husband by confidently striding straight to the dance floor and letting loose without a second thought. None of my signature moves- as they come out when I’m feeling awkward and need something to laugh at- but rather just simple freedom in movement, and joy in the moment. And it was so much fun you guys.

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The other day at work I was having a moment that was some combination of boring and stressful. When you’re in someone else’s home for 9.5 hours a day with two kids under two and a dog who you love but are at odds with, there are days when those moments can be frequent. I took a second in that moment to connect my phone to a speaker and turn on some music. Harrison’s eyes lit up and he started bobbing up and down to the beat. The baby started laughing while she watched Harrison dance. I picked her up and the three of us spun around the living room, uninhibited as could be, smiling and giggling and feeling perfectly free. The stress and boredom disappeared in that instant and I felt so full of happiness, elation even. 

And it is with that happiness, that elation, that freedom, that I care no longer about my uncoordinated dance moves. They bring me to a mind space that feels good ... so watch out world- I'm here and I’m going to keep on dancing!

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Some of my and Harrison’s current favorite songs to dance to are Macklemore’s Glorious and Can’t Hold Us, Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes featuring Adam Levine, and Nate Ruess’s Nothing Without Love. We also dance to our fair share of The Beatles, since Harrison’s name wasn’t inspired by just anyone.