It's been 10 days and he hasn't had a diaper on him since. (For better or worse!)
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Why February 16th? It was a Friday, and I had a half day of work. The following Monday Jeremy had off work. So Harrison got a good three and half days at home to start learning potty independence before we went back to our typical schedule. This was crucial to get a beneficial start.
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On that first afternoon/evening, Harrison wore no clothes and I stuck close to him the entire time. It was not a day to get distracted by my phone or wash dishes while he played independently. I kept a direct eye on him and kept him occupied with plenty of games and books and toys. When he did play independently, I sat out of the way but stayed close enough to continually observe. Anytime he started to pee, I moved him to his tiny potty and explained that pee goes in the potty, not on the floor. I had a spray bottle of 50/50 vinegar/water and a roll of paper towels nearby for the misses. As was expected, we had our fair share of misses. You can't potty train without misses. You just can't. At bedtime he wore long sleeves and pants as usual, but no diaper underneath. We explained to him that if he needed to pee, we would help him push down his pants and move him to his little potty that was right next to the bed. We made sure he peed just before he fell asleep, and then we woke him up a few hours later, around 11, and got him to pee again, half asleep. He woke up on his own two more times that night (as is very typical of him), and we got him to pee each time before I nursed him back to sleep. It was an exhausting night for all of us, and we had a small miss in the early hours of the morning, but the small consolation prize was that he slept until 9am! Learning new skills = sleep!
That next day Harrison gave us a lot of resistance and it was a loooooong day. He was still buck naked and we just stuck with him and moved him to the potty as we were able to. It felt very difficult and left me wondering why we started in the first place. He fought going on the potty, he fought nap time, he fought bedtime. He screamed and cried and choked on his tears and brought me to tears a few times, I felt so lost. That night was a lot of the same, though he stayed dry until 7am after refusing to sit on his potty two times throughout the night. Less sleep than the night before, and we felt slightly defeated.
Day three brought more misses. We mixed things up a bit and took him for a short walk outside, his first time with daytime pants on diaper-less. We visited an apartment open house (why?!) and as you can imagine the direction this story is going ... he left a large puddle for me to clean up, and I had to run home to get the spray bottle and paper towels. Oops. During nap time I re-read a few sections of the book we were using and realized that we were hovering too much and prompting too much, making it very, very stressful on Harrison (and us). The book also mentions days two and three are typically the most difficult in terms of resistance, and it gave some tools for how to handle it. We backed off on prompting and hovering, gave Harrison some small activities to keep him busy while on the potty, and had a lot of success the rest of the day.
That night was another frustrating night of resistance, but yet another night of him staying dry even while refusing to sit on the potty.
Day four brought mixed success, but increasing resistance as the day went on. He had a very rough evening, everything was off- not just potty training. He refused to sit at the dinner table, he refused to let us brush his teeth, he was angry as we helped him with his pajamas, he screamed for the potty as Jer was trying to get him to go to bed, but screamed for the bed as soon as he was on the potty. The whole thing was emotionally draining for all of us. I was a wreck the next morning, day five, and it was the first day he was coming back to work with me. I spent the day partially in tears, cleaning up more misses than I could keep track of, and dealing with the general goings-ons of an almost 2-year-old and an almost 1-year-old and an excitable dog.
BUT. But, but but.
At the end of the workday I made sure to let Harrison know that I needed him to pee before we got in the car to go home. The time came, and I locked us in the bathroom, distraction-free, and he fought me for a bit. We chatted, we played with some toys, we sang some songs, we counted to 20, etc etc etc. He wouldn't sit and wouldn't sit and wouldn't sit. Until then he did. He signed "potty" and sat and peed. Without any effort on my part. He just did it. What?
Looking back, that was the turning point, towards the end of day five. Something clicked, he changed his mind about all the resistance, he realized I wasn't messing around, he knew this was the new normal, and he complied- happily. We had an easy evening together, the three of us. We had an enjoyable family dinner, we played some games, he used the potty without issue whenever we prompted, and he went to bed simply. Our toddler was back. And he was ready to use the potty.
The days after that have been enjoyable, and we are back to our usual routines. Harrison is commando all day- we will start using underwear in a few weeks when he's (hopefully) forgotten the muscle memory of "something is tight around my bum, I guess I'm allowed to relieve myself in it." We've been averaging one or two misses per day, mostly at times that I realize in hindsight I should have thought to prompt him. He is not doing much self-prompting at this time, but he is better at holding it than he used to be. I have a good idea of when to prompt him, and I keep in the back of my mind how much liquid he's had to gauge when he may need to go again. We always get the "easy" catches: first thing in the morning, and during times of transition- leaving to go for a walk, coming back home from a walk or whatnot, before/after nap time, before bedtime. Overnights typically have one or two wakes to pee/nurse, and he easily falls back asleep. We've only had one nighttime miss in the past five days. He has stayed consistently dry every single nap (knock on wood) throughout the entire process.
Takeaways-
I am so glad we did this now. There's going to be resistance to the process at any age, and we've already gotten past the hump. I am not naive to the fact that there will be some regression at times, and I'll still be cleaning up misses for a while. But he is coming up on 22 months old, and putting his pee/poo in the potty has been fully normalized to him already. I am very proud of that for him.
Did elimination communication help? Yes, and no. EC and potty training are two separate processes. And we did EC casually and part-time, and we were unfortunately in the midst of an EC regression when we started potty training. However, EC DID help to normalize using the potty, and I think the biggest help is that it normalized pooping on the potty. We always had better success with poo rather than with pee during our EC journey. We've caught probably 80% of poos on the potty since he was around 6 months old. I am forever grateful that we are not dealing with a toddler who is afraid to poop on the potty, or flat out refuses too, or screams for a diaper to poop in, or poops in the corner of the house. It's been so normalized to Harrison from so early on that we have had zero issues with it. Praise be!
Ideas like "getting him used to the potty first" or wearing training pants or using sticker charts to celebrate success or bribing with any number of things. I'm so happy we didn't have that mindset. The method we used makes some great points about the detriment of many of those options and strongly urges against them. I believe we have had a better outcome due to avoiding all of that.
The process of potty training over the past ten days has helped Jeremy and I to have some good and tough discussions about our parenting style and setting boundaries. It's helped me to firm up some of my slippery ideas of being very laid back about Harrison's wants. It's helped us to find some firm boundaries that can be set to help Harrison be more confident in his surroundings. It's helped me to continue to learn a better balance of being laid back and being firm, without being shameful or unkind. This is the first thing that Jeremy and I have actively taught Harrison, and the first thing that Harrison has actively learned from us. The beginning of it was SO hard, and being on the other side of that difficulty is SO rewarding.
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We went out to eat on Saturday and we went out for ice cream on Sunday. I wasn't even concerned about Harrison being diaper-free. And he proved I had no reason to be. We got to each location and held him over the big potty to relieve himself, and he did, and we went on with our business, hanging out with friends and eating delicious food. The normalcy of that gives me a sense of awe, and admittedly a bit of a pat on my back as well. I'm just very happy about it. And now I want to shout from the hills that everyone can do this.
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We used the method in Jamie Glowacki's book "Oh Crap! Potty Training." I recommend it 100%. Clearly we've had good success with it, but aside from that I also appreciate her outlook on parenting, and setting limits, and her no-nonsense attitude about some aspects of potty training, and her SHAME-FREE approach to it all. Her method is broken down simply in the book, and there is a large section dedicated to "troubleshooting," if you will. I was re-reading and re-reading and re-reading it throughout the first few days of potty training. (We're borrowing a copy from the library and I have so far renewed it three times!) I also found so much support and solidarity in a Facebook group of parents who are using the same method. Also, FYI, you don't have to do daytime and nighttime training at the same time, that was personal preference for Jeremy and me. And I am very glad we did it that way, I think it's one more way we've set Harrison up for success, even as it is a bit more work for us.
*I will repeat, we are not "done" potty training yet, by any stretch. I know that. Harrison is barely self-prompting, and we are only 10 days in so I am fully aware that there will be PLENTY more misses. I don't leave the house without at least three extra pairs of pants and socks for him, and quite a few hand towels, at the very least. We go to work with the vinegar spray bottle and a huge roll of paper towels, just in case. And he sleeps on the bed on top of a wool pad and a folded over fleece blanket. We are prepared for the worst while continuing to give Harrison tools to set him up for success each day and night. And each day gets a little bit better, and our collective confidence continues to grow.
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| Family bed, set up for potty training success. Maybe the next post will be about sharing our bed with our toddler and three cats. Oh hey, Oscar! |
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