not really a recap

This year my intention was to write one blog post per week. I didn't quite make it to 52 posts, but I'm really not concerned about the number. I love writing and hadn't had much of a reason to write over the past few years, and this ended up being a great outlet for me; I've enjoyed having a purpose for thinking through and expressing my thoughts, and I've enjoyed receiving feedback and having conversation based around some of the posts. I know that I often have a bit of an alternative opinion on many aspects of life, and I hope that I've given at least one person reason to consider something differently this year (if you're that one person, let me know!) 

A few weeks ago I won The Listserve (enough of that already Bekah!) and had the opportunity to write an email for many hundreds of thousands of subscribers to read. I chose to write small tidbits about some of my passions. I received some Instagram followers and a small handful of emails back, no conversation went farther than my return email, but it was nice to connect with people in a small way. I'm not sure how many of my friends and family actually read that email, so I want to include it here on the blog. I think it's fitting to include it as my "end of the year" post, since it references many of the things I've written about this past year, and some of the things I intended to write about but haven't found the words yet. I'll include links to past blog posts as applicable; these links were not in the original email.

I truly desire to have more conversation and connection based around these passions of mine. If you're reading this and want to know more of my thoughts, or want to question the way I think about something, or want to change the way you go about this that or the other- whatever it is- please reach out. I'd love to chat, debate, consider other opinions, etc.

So, my recap that's not a recap- my Listserve email

--- --- ---

Hello world.

Some of my passions:

Healthy gut
The health of our entire physical and mental selves starts in our guts. We should be nourishing ourselves with real, whole food. Wild ferments. Pesticide-free crops. Homemade kombucha (my specialty), sauerkraut, sourdough bread. Bone broth, raw milk. Allll the egg yolks! Healthy fat is VITAL. I eat slabs of butter like slices of cheese. There can be a big difference between a healthy body and a nourished body.

—-

Fertility awareness method
I want to know how it can be deemed “empowering” to use birth control to work against your body, rather than educating yourself on how to work with your body. I used FAM to successfully avoid conception until my husband and I used it to conceive our now 19-month-old. THAT feels very empowering.

—-

Raising empathetic sons
When he falls down and cries, I don't tell him he's okay and to brush it off, or to be “brave” and not cry. I ask him if he's hurt, or scared, or surprised. I give him room to feel. When he tantrums, I don't walk away and ignore him until he’s done. I acknowledge his big feelings and stay there to help him process through them. I want to equip him with tools to understand his emotions rather than shut them down, and to be comfortable with acknowledging the emotions of others.

—-

Adoption
There is so much beauty and heartbreak all wrapped up in adoption; it mirrors redemption as it starts with loss and journeys to hope and life. Five of my siblings joined our family through adoption. My husband and I hope to grow our family through adoption some day also. I love the work that Love Without Boundaries does with the orphaned and impoverished children in China.

—-

Health share
Instead of standard health insurance, our family is part of a health share called Samaritan Ministries. It is one of the best decisions we have made. We send our monthly share directly to another member who uses it to pay for a specific medical bill. My pregnancy was covered 100%. 100%!!! An Urgent Care visit ended up being $17 out of pocket. The checks we received for these bills were accompanied by cards from people all over the USA, with kind words and prayers. What a beautiful community. My healthcare coverage is in MY hands thanks to Samaritan.

—-

Natural childbirth
Why do so many people expect childbirth to be a medical event? I am trained as a birth doula and love the privilege of being present with a mother in labor- seeing her strength, breathing through pressure waves, relaxing deeply, allowing her body to take over and surrendering to the primal beauty of birthing her baby. There is nothing like it. I wish there was better education on the different options women have for childbirth.

—-

Student loans
A passionate frustration. My husband and I have a cumulative 5 years worth of private college loans. Eight years after graduation we’ve worked our butts off to pay down half the loans so far but it feels like we’ll never be done. “Student debt is good debt,” they said. It’s the only debt I’ve ever had and let me tell you it does not feel good. We live minimally and have made sacrifices to pay off what we have and it’s a constant feeling of suffocation. We have no savings aside from an emergency fund; buying a home someday seems impossible. I don’t have a need to live extravagantly, but I want this weight off my chest. If you’re college-bound, I strongly urge you to consider a public school near your parent’s home. Live with zero or minimal rent, work hard to pay for your classes in full each semester, and start post-college life better than in debt. (And if you want to make my situation a community effort, I’m all for accepting donations towards these loans...)

—-

I could say more. Breastfeeding, elimination communication, adopt don’t shop and my one-eyed rescue kitties, playing violin; if any of this interests you please reach out or check out my blog where it’s all been written about more extensively. (Linked in my Instagram @rkozeluh)

With love,

Rebekah
USA
rebekah.listserve@gmail.com

--- --- ---

Here's to 2018, continuing to enjoy my passions, continuing to write, and working on my new year's intention- learning how to skateboard. Happy New Years to you all!

Dear Florida

Dear Florida,

You’re warmer than LA right now and I only brought one pair of shorts. Everywhere is air conditioned which makes me too cold. You are full of toll roads, which are difficult in a rental car due to the fees associated with the Sun Pass, and driving the stretch from Palm Beach to Orlando is an extra hour off the toll roads. I’ve done this twice, and in that extra hour I’ve found too many red light cameras and one of them took a picture of my rental car license plate. When I was turning left on yellow. Thanks for nothing. And what’s up with all those unprotected left turns across three lanes of traffic? And all the pedestrians who pretend there aren’t cars driving 45mph towards them? Or how about all the cars I keep getting stuck behind that are going 20mph under the speed limit in the left lane? And ALL.THE.GATED.COMMUNITIES. Like the one I got stuck outside of, after being on the road for five hours alone with my near 20-month-old. No, operator, Jeremy is not with me but my name was supposed to be on that list too. No, operator, my sister and brother-in-law aren’t at the house right now to come pick me up, they are 20 miles north in Palm Beach. No, operator, I cannot get ahold of my friend so she can verify I am indeed allowed to drive up to her home. Legitimate panic attack: 1, Bekah: 0 (I got in about 15 minutes later after getting ahold of my friend.)

Oh, and Florida, I’m taking home with me some memories I’d rather not have made. A fainting brother during wedding pictures, a feverish ring-bearer who couldn’t enjoy the wedding, a father of the bride with Norovirus in the hours leading up to walking his daughter down the aisle, a lost iPhone, a presumably stolen laptop that was thankfully located, a niece with hundreds of unrecognizable bug bites, the aforementioned red light ticket, a brother with a hacking cough, what gives, Florida?

Dear Florida,

I’m clearly not in love with you. But, dear Florida, I’m in love with the company I’m keeping here.
A sister who was more beautiful on her wedding day, inside and out, than I’d ever seen her before. A new brother (in law) who I am honored to call family. Mom and Dad with all of their children and grandchildren in one place for the first time in almost three and a half years. Spending time with my nieces and watching them and Harrison play together. Seeing Aunts and Uncles that I rarely get to spend time with and passing my sick baby off to my Aunt Beth for some cuddles, and he actually stayed in her arms. Having a whirlwind 20 hour Kozeluh family vacation in Disney Springs and watching Harrison be soooo delighted with all the one-on-one time he got with Jer over the weekend. Anticipating the last part of our trip up in Cocoa Beach, reuniting with the family members who spent the past few days in Disney, and having a low-key Christmas enjoying each other’s company. These are the moments I live for, and Florida- not even you can take them from me.

Love,
Rebekah

Anything at all for any of the beautiful beings in this photo.

Alternative to health insurance

A few years ago, we opted out of the standard health insurance available to us through Jeremy’s employer, and joined a health share called Samaritan Ministries. It is hands-down one of the best decisions we’ve made for our family. Gone are my days of stressing over the financial impact of a theoretical major medical event, gone are my days of not fully understanding medical bills, gone are my days of being cared for by medical professionals I cannot choose myself. I feel so much freedom in leaving the world of health insurance. Here is how it works.

Up front, know that Samaritan is a Christian health share. So there are requirements for being a member, including church attendance, limitations on alcohol and smoking as they pertain to health, and others. This is already in line with our values, so Samaritan is a great fit for us. There are other health shares with less/different requirements, they all work slightly differently, and I imagine Google has some answers. Being a member of Samaritan satisfies the Affordable Care Act’s requirement to have health insurance, so there is no penalty tax on your yearly returns. Samartian sends out clear instructions about how to fill out the health insurance portion of your tax paperwork, and it is a very simple process.

So, as part of Samaritan, each month we are told via our online account who we should send our monthly share to, and a short synopsis on their medical need so we can pray for them as we feel led. Once per year our share goes straight to Samaritan for upkeep costs. As a family with a child, our monthly share is $495 (I’m transparent about that because it’s listed on the website.) This is standard month-to-month. On occasion the amount will actually be lower because the amount of money for all of the member’s collective needs is less that month. Samaritan doesn’t keep any excess.

Any medical event (called a “need” in Samaritan terms) over $300 is able to be covered (shared). The handbook lists the types of needs that are not able to be covered, with consideration for Samaritan’s values. $300 is the deductible, but there is a way to get some or all of that covered as well, more on that later. This means that standard checkups, sick visits to the doctor, etc, are not covered. As a family, we budget for those as needed, and we are a generally healthy family who looks to western medicine rarely anyway, so those costs do not happen frequently for us. We pay out of pocket for chiropractor visits once a month and that’s generally it.

When you are at the doctor’s/hospital/etc, you fill out the insurance paperwork as self-pay. And you ask for discounts for self-pay/cash patients. Typically there are discounts, even up to 60%. These discounts are important because they lower the collective amount of money that members are sharing month-to-month. Additionally, receiving a discount helps to lower your $300 deductible. So say you are billed for $500, but because you are self-pay, you are discounted down to $300 and that is what you pay. When you file paperwork with Samaritan, the $200 discount is then taken off the initial $300 deductible, leaving you with only $100 paid out of pocket once all the expenses are recouped.

My pregnancy was covered 100%. All my prenatal appointments, any supplements recommended by my care providers, up to 40 therapy visits (chiropractor, massage, acupuncture, physical therapy, some require a doctor’s note to be covered). My birth tub rental was even covered. I planned to give birth at home, and since the cost of home-birth is generally much lower than hospital birth, the $300 deductible was automatically waived. However, I ended up transferring to the hospital while I was in the throes of labor, and my $6000 birth turned in to a $25,000+ birth. I was and am still so thankful that I didn’t need to worry about the financial impact of my necessary hospital transfer. A few weeks after giving birth, I went through allllllll the paperwork, called care providers for discounts as needed, and paid everything off or set up payment plans. I kept all the paperwork organized and submitted it to Samaritan. Two months later I received dozens of cards in the mail with checks totaling the exact amount of money I needed to cover all of the medical bills. These cards came from people all over the USA with notes and prayers written in them. It was such a beautiful example of community.

So clearly submitting a medical need takes some legwork and organization, and you need to be active in your medical bills in a different way than you are with typical insurance. This is something I like- I have such a stronger understanding of where my money is going and what bill is for what. If I misunderstand what I am being charged for, I don’t just passively sign off on it. I make phone calls, wait on hold, and speak to people to learn why this or that is being billed to me. I take ownership of every medical bill that comes through our mailbox.

There are more often than not up-front costs before you submit your need to Samaritan. Some care providers will not let you pay on a payment plan if you ask for a discount, so you need to pay in full at the time of service. This was a bit of an issue for us after our hospital transfer, since we hadn’t planned for it. We ended up splitting the hospital bill over two credit cards, and then applying for a new credit card with 0% APR for 12 months and we did a balance transfer to the new card before being charged interest. We paid the new card off once we received everyone’s shares toward our need. I do NOT recommend doing that, it was very nerve-wracking, but it worked for us in a pinch and we are better prepared these days. Pregnancy needs can be shared in advance if you know generally how much everything is going to cost. Our midwives charged us $6000 on a payment plan throughout my pregnancy, and I was able to have that need shared long before Harrison was born- which was ideal because everything was paid for before giving birth and I theoretically wouldn’t be drowning in paperwork after the birth. But hah, such is life when plans change and you enter a hospital.

There is no “in-network” or “out-of-network” with Samaritan. You have freedom to research and decide who the best care providers are for your specific need. Western medicine and alternative medicine are equally recognized and respected. You can go to someone down the street, or in a different state, or in a different country- you determine where you can get the best care, and submit the paperwork the same way for any provider. I LOVE this freedom.

So for an example to make some sense out of it all (in general numbers, I don’t remember the specifics)- Jeremy went to Urgent Care for a broken toe not too long ago. The initial cost of the urgent care visit was $700. We asked for a discount and paid $500 up front that day. We retained all the paperwork that showed the initial cost and the discounted cost that we paid. We received a bill a week later for the x-rays they took at the visit- $300. We called the billing company to ask for a discount and paid $220 over the phone. Jeremy also went to the chiropractor a few times to help his body out as it was adjusting for his uneven walk as his toe was healing. $450 total for all that, no discount. So the initial total was $700 + $300 + $450 = $1450
The discounted total was $500 + $220 + $450 = $1170
That is a $280 difference. Upon submitting the paperwork, that $280 got put towards our $300 deductible, leaving us with a $20 deductible and we received every penny after that in the mail two months later.

I love being part of Samaritan and the active role it allows me to take in my healthcare. For more information you can check out their website or feel free to reach out to me!

Traveling with a child

Harrison has been on a plane and across the country on a number of occasions in his short life. I think it just comes with the territory when both sides of the family live in the Eastern time zone, and it also just so happens that many of our close friends have gotten married in the past year (Jer’s been in three wedding parties in the past 10 months and none of those weddings were in California).

Harrison’s first plane trip was supposed to be in mid-September, 2016, to Denver. He was four months old at the time. Jer and I were both going, and I was glad to anticipate the extra set of hands to help with Harrison, even on a quick plane ride.

But shortly before the trip to Denver was set to happen, my Dad’s mother, my beloved Mom-Mom, passed away. I’ve been lucky in my life to have never lost anyone who had a direct emotional impact in my life- until Mom-Mom’s passing. I needed to be in Pennsylvania when she was laid to rest, and I had a short few days to make it happen. And so in early September 2016 I went on a very last-minute trip to Pennsylvania, just me and Harrison, taking on the friendly skies.

I didn’t have any expectations for the plane ride, but I was hopeful it would be simple, based on Harrison’s chill demeanor. I booked a red-eye because he has slept well at night since day one, waking often for sure, but only to nurse back to sleep. At four months old, and for flights that I anticipated him sleeping through, I didn’t feel the need to bring anything “extra” with me besides a small blanket. We’ve never owned a stroller, and I got a carrying case with wheels to make transporting the car seat easier. I wore Harrison in a carrier and pulled the suitcase and car seat along behind me to gate check it. The car seat was the most difficult part of our travels, it was big and bulky and I’ve never liked it in the first place (we recently replaced it, finally, yay!) While on the plane, Harrison slept well, as anticipated, waking only to nurse back to sleep. Angel baby. Every leg of that trip went smoothly and easily, and breastfeeding was the only thing I needed to keep Harrison occupied.

—

Security has become easier for me since traveling with a baby- I am that person who always “opts out” of the x-ray screening and is then subjected to a pat-down, but when Harrison is with me I can automatically bypass the X-ray, go through the metal detector, and get my hands swiped and tested for whatever they are testing for. This is a win for me.

Fun story, during two separate pat-downs on two separate trips pre-baby (and pre-pregnancy), the security personnel tested the residue on their gloves and the little machine turned on a red light and read “explosives detected.” TWO separate trips. What fun that is. I promise that I had no explosives on me. I was subjected to a more thorough pat-down and my bags were thoroughly inspected. Thankfully each time the machine gave me the green light after the second go-round. And after some googling and question-asking, I’ve deduced that either the soap residue from the glycerin-based soap I often use or residue from the pure coconut oil I use as a moisturizer is what caused the machines to alert to the “explosives.” I am very careful these days to stay away from those products immediately before flying.

—

Three months after Harrison’s first plane ride, we flew back to Pennsylvania, solo, for a Witzer family Thanksgiving (Jer followed a few days later). Once again, Harrison was very easy to manage. I checked the car seat before security for this trip (for better or worse, there are a lot of rules to be 100% safe with car seats and air travel, and I’ve never followed them 100%, most people don’t). I had Harrison in the carrier and a backpack to deal with walking through the airport. The plane ride was straightforward, I brought a few simple toys with me that helped keep him occupied, and breastfeeding was still the winner for keeping my chill baby happy on the flight.

When Harrison was 9 months old we flew to Tampa for a friend’s wedding. He was starting to be more active but thankfully the three of us were flying together and Jer and I were happy to be able to tag-team our little guy who was already on the verge of walking. He was a bit more difficult to manage this time around, but still nothing crazy. Plastic airline cups kept him busy, and the biggest help was apple slices. Harrison was just starting to really explore solid food and loved gnawing on the apples. He was harder to nurse to sleep at that point, but thankfully Jeremy is great at bouncing him down, and Harrison got a nap in.

Then came June. The three of us went to Lexington for an extended trip to visit with family and celebrate the marriage of one of Jer’s life-long friends. Our 13-month-old had become rather beautifully rambunctious, and we armed ourselves with a few toys and books and snacks. Unfortunately Harrison was very overtired to begin with, and we had two of “those” flights to get to Kentucky. We had a squirmy, crying baby who said “no” to everything we offered and fought the nap that could have made everything better. We did figure out that a cup of ice could keep him occupied for a good amount of time, so we had a few golden moments. He finally fell asleep about 10 minutes before our first flight landed, which was The Worst timing. He woke up when we landed and didn’t nap again that day. So we persevered, and we are happy that day is now many months behind us.

The end of October gave us a last-minute trip up the west coast to Seattle. I finally bought a lightweight car-seat for us to use for travel, and it has continued to be a good decision. (We could use it all the time, i just dont love it enough.) We check the car seat at the gate to (ideally) minimize the possibility of it getting damaged, and it’s light enough that carrying it through the airport is no big deal. It even fits through the security x-rays. Lots of snacks kept us going on this trip, and another cup of ice on each plane. Harrison travelled as a lap child since he still met the age requirements, but he’s become so active that it was a bit difficult. We were lucky to have a row of seats to ourselves on the way home, so Harrison could spread out rather than annoy the person next to us.

And now today I am on a plane finishing up this post while Harrison is fast asleep sprawled out next to me on the seat we purchased for him. We are flying without Jer to the east coast (he’ll meet us there in a few days). I couldn’t handle the idea of a 19-month-old lap child on a five hour flight plus another three hour flight, so we splurged for the extra ticket when we found a good price. And let me tell you- no regrets. For starters, I packed him his own bag. (Security gave me a bit of beef about the number of bags I had until I clarified that Harrison had his own ticket.) So all the necessary things for on the plane but not immediately needed (change of clothes, wallet, food I don’t want him to see, diapers) are in one bag, and the other bag is one Harrison can have free reign of- books, toys, his food, crayons, etc. It’s worked out nicely so far. I debated bringing his car seat on the plane with me, but all he knows of air travel is sitting in the seat with me or next to me, and I didn’t want to risk him refusing to sit in the car seat and then staying in my lap the whole flight. So we gate checked it, along with a small rolling suitcase that accidentally has his sippy cup in it- major bummer (update, the sippy cup has officially been lost). Thankfully we haven’t run into any other issues. And when the drink cart came down the aisle, Harrison started excitedly saying “ice!” (Which sounds like “sssss!”) Haha, that’s my boy. Some kids may see that cart and be excited about food or soda or orange juice, my kid is excited about a plastic cup full of ice.

We are three hours into our initial five-hour flight and Harrison nursed his overtired body to sleep almost an hour ago. We have hardly touched the “new” (borrowed) toys I hid away for him in his bag, or gotten to the two new books we purchased and wrapped in Christmas paper. If there’s a meltdown today, or too much boredom, here’s hoping opening a present and reading a new book about cats will calm us both down.

And speaking of calm- I did get on the plane this morning with an overtired toddler. And honestly he’s been so chill despite that. But once he started getting amped up, I pulled out a secret weapon that my chiropractor told me about just last night- Rescue Remedy. It is something that’s always stocked in my “medicine” cabinet, and Dr. Maura told me it works like magic for calming down an ornery child, something I’d never considered. So at a choice moment a little while ago, I took the Rescue Remedy out of the backpack and put three drops on Harrison’s tongue (thankfully he rather enjoys droppers full of liquid, and it was a good distraction in the first place). I noticed a difference in his demeanor almost immediately. He totally chilled out and was receptive to things I had to say. He sat next to me and became very observant and relaxed. He nursed to sleep, which is unheard of these days, and now he’s been fast asleep for an hour. Rescue Remedy is coming on every flight with me from here on out!

—

***Harrison slept for 2 hours and 15 minutes, which is a marathon for him. He woke up amiable and chill and is happily munching away on cheddar bunnies and chicken as we prepare to land in DC.***

—

A quick summarization of what’s worked for us:
4 months old: breastfeeding
6.5 months old: breastfeeding
9 months old: apple slices, empty cups
13 months old: good luck ;) a cup of ice
17 months old: books, stickers, ice
19 months old: Rescue Remedy, books, his own seat

-breastfeeding/bottle/sippy cup is great for takeoff and landing to help with the pressure in their ears
-you can check a car seat and/or stroller for free before security or at the gate; do your own car seat safety research and make an informed decision
-all our travels so far have been made simpler by baby-wearing
-you can bring drinkable liquids through security if they are for the baby (or “for the baby”), my filled water bottle makes it through fine, sometimes they test it
-less is more, I perpetually bring more than I need even when trying to minimize
-don’t use glycerin soap or coconut oil before going through security unless you want to live on the edge

Happy travels!