Tales of an Unpracticed Violinist

A few months ago the summer Hollywood Bowl schedule was released and I found one night I wanted to go to more than any of the rest. Joshua Bell was playing Édouard Lalo's Symphonie Espagnole with the LA Philharmonic. I've had the opportunity to see Joshua Bell perform before, also at the Bowl, on a laid-back night called "Joshua Bell with Friends" a few years ago. He interacted with the audience a lot that night, and it was such a delight to see his personality alongside his professional persona. I admire how laid-back he appears to be, rather than the cliched uptight classical musician aura that many in his craft give off. And that he was to be playing this beautiful song- one that I have played part of and can consider it the highest level song I've ever mastered in my violin playing prime in college- that sealed it- I wanted to be at that concert. I needed to be there. But I let life, or the idea of life, get in the way and never purchased tickets (8pm in Hollywood on a work night, Harrison's bedtime, paying for parking, sitting in traffic, what have you.)

Thankfully life had different plans. On my way to work one morning last week, I was listening to the local classical music station, KUSC (my usual morning drive routine), and I heard a quick ad for a contest called "#MyFavoriteMistake." The prize for this contest was tickets to the very concert I wanted to attend, along with a signed CD, and an illustrated children's book based on Joshua Bell's favorite mistake. The grand prize also included a meet and greet with Mr. Bell himself (spoiler alert- I didn't win the grand prize.) To enter, I needed to write about my favorite mistake. I could have done so on social media (hence the hashtag in the contest name), but I was boring and submitted it through the KUSC website. Here is my submission:

In middle school and high school it was always a big deal every year to audition for county and state orchestras and have the opportunity to play with musicians from other schools in the area. The auditions were blind auditions, so the judge's backs were to you the whole time.

One year, I was in the middle of my sight-reading audition (and so already a bundle of nerves- who enjoys being scored on sight reading?), and I somehow dropped my bow in the middle of the exercise.

Inwardly, my mind started racing, I got more nervous, and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't get any direction from the judges since they weren't allowed to look at me.

I kept my cool on the outside, walked over to pick up my bow, and continued playing as if nothing had happened.

As it turns out, my orchestra teacher was one of the judges in the room during my audition. Later that day when I lamented to her my thoughts that I ruined the audition, given my mistake, she told me that all the judges were actually very impressed with the way I collected myself and kept playing. A week later I found out that even with dropping my bow, my scores were high enough that year to sit in the first violin section.

This memory is always a special one to look back on; it shows me that the way you react to a mistake leaves far more of an impression than the mistake itself. A consideration worth remembering in every part of my life!

So, fast forward to Sunday evening and I found out I was one of the winners! No grand prize meeting Joshua Bell, but I got to go to the concert and be inspired by his musicianship while hearing him play one of my favorite songs with the LA Phil, and the LA Phil bookended the Lalo piece with Stravinsky's Fireworks and Petrushka.

Sure, I drove to Hollywood in traffic, I parked at one of the most annoying tourist attractions in LA (Hollywood and Highland, blah), missed Harrison's bedtime for the very first time in his 16 months of life, and got less sleep than I should have for a work night- but of course none of those details ended up mattering. I had a lovely evening out with my good friend Emily and spent two hours immersing my senses into beautiful music.

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The idea that I think I at one point had the first movement of Symphonie Espagnole "mastered" is almost laughable after last night. Sure, I could hit all the notes, I played it at a decent tempo, and as with all my playing I played it with great passion, but I couldn't ever touch the musicality and precision and sheer ease of how I saw it performed last night. And of course not. He's Joshua Bell. I'm ... well, not no one, but I never have been and never will be in that playing field. A self-fulfilled prophecy, sure, but one that I am more than happy with, as my "professional musician" aspirations ended as quickly as they started. It's truly not the world for me, but I love to watch others who are a part of it. And engaging in that world as a spectator always washes me in a wave of inspiration, bringing forth memories of playing my violin and getting lost in the emotions of any particular piece of music, feeling connected to my Creator as a creator, playing my violin and feeling beauty in those moments. And you can bet I will be taking my violin out again more often in the coming weeks (maybe another episode of "Playing out of tune with a toddler and a cat?")

And so I'll play in my world- not that of a professional musician, but that of an unpracticed violinist, trained classically and playing with my own form of laid-back strength, not precise, but simple and emotive. My brand of playing over the years has turned in to part classical, part fiddle, part gypsy magic (if I may?) I don't really follow rules when I play anymore, and I'll just keep being me.

Thanks, Joshua Bell, for giving me these realizations to mull over, and the inspiration to play some more. Thanks KUSC for the opportunity to engage in the professional music world when I failed to give myself the opportunity. Let's do it again next week, haha. Let's keep the inspiration coming!