nine months + nine months

Oh, this fourth baby. Somehow time has once again passed by at a rate that doesn’t feel possible, and I find a spectrum of emotions well up within me when I consider how much he’s grown. Nine months in my womb, and now nine months on the other side. He only just arrived, and also hasn’t he always been here?

His arrival into the world was both easy and difficult, in the nine months of growing and in the labor and birth itself.

We somehow once again found ourselves in the midst of a wild season of transition as a family right around the time we discovered our family was growing again. Job uncertainty, finding out we were living in a house full of mold, and then just as those two events really reared up- baby #4 started growing. Starting this pregnancy in stress wasn’t ideal, but after a few short (long) weeks of prayer, trust, and due diligence, we had a new house and Jer had a new job, and I started quietly sharing that I was 8 weeks pregnant.

This pregnancy flew by in its own way, life just kept on going and having the three older boys and working part time left me very busy. 

Of course the question all around was “is it going to be a girl this time?” And my truthful answer was that I was happy for either. 

———

Goodness was it wild to be pregnant for a fourth time. And labor for a fourth time was just as intense, if not more, than the others.

The timing of this birth worked out very conveniently; I noticed two light cramps when I woke up the morning that I was 40 weeks and 4 days- and then had the entire day to mentally prepare for active labor, as I noticed mild cramping throughout the day but nothing indicative of active labor. I got to treat the day as usual, with the knowledge that my baby was on its way. I had an appointment with my midwife in the morning, and one with my chiropractor. It was great to see both of these women, these friends, that morning, giving me a chance to verbally process how my day might go, and Dr. Leslie worked some extra magic to help my body release into labor. One thing I was hesitant about- the date was April 1st. I vocalized both to Dr. Leslie and to Brooke, my midwife, that I’d be more than okay if baby waited till after midnight to be born on April 2nd rather than having a birthday associated with April Fool’s Day. That hesitation, coupled with the knowledge of Jeremy being an hour’s drive away at work (and in a workplace that was hard to get away from) I think kept things moving slowly throughout the day. The crampy sensations slowed down while I was running errands, but I had a strong sense that they were going to be back when I was mentally ready.

I went shopping at Kimberton, just over a week since my final shift there, and was able to say hi to many of my co-workers and tell them that baby was on the way. It felt like a second send-off from there and it was truly special to chat with everyone that day.

Being at home with the boys that afternoon was relaxed. I had taken a magic eraser to the walls the day before (very telling that labor was imminent!) and there weren’t very many things to keep busy with. Around 4pm I noticed the cramps starting again, this time with more of a rhythm to them- every 7-20 minutes I’d notice something light happening in my abdomen. We ate an early dinner and read books on the couch until Jeremy got home around seven. We treated the evening as normal while my mild cramps continued at the same pace. We told the boys that we’d likely be meeting their newest sibling that night, and they all asked to be woken up to be present for the birth. Around 8:30 all the boys were asleep and Jeremy and I finished a few things to get the bedroom ready to labor in. Jer set up the birth tub, and then went to attach the hose to our shower- only to find that the shower head was stuck too tight to remove. The tub was such a game changer during Denver’s birth, I couldn’t imagine not having it available for this one. Thankfully my parents live five minutes down the road, and my Dad was somehow still awake. Jer was able to go over there and borrow a plumber’s wrench to get everything situated with the hose to fill the tub when we needed to- crisis averted.

a short few hours before meeting baby

Jer and I watched some TV before laying down for sleep, uncertain what exactly the night held for us. Up until then the crampiness remained mild and unassuming, easy to notice but not be bothered by. I knew some rest would be useful and figured I’d be woken up by active labor.

I never did get that rest. As soon as I laid down and turned off my light, around 10:30, the cramps required a bit more attention. They were consistently 8-9 minutes apart and they were getting strong enough that I couldn’t rest through them. So I got out of bed and kept busy; I was still fully aware of the world around me in between the rushes, but it was obvious that active labor was getting closer. Denver woke up at some point and came into our bed while I was laboring solo and Jer was resting. I sat on a birth ball while leaning over the foot of the bed for a little while, and for an hour the surges continued to gain strength and happen closer together. I was in touch with my midwives and a few friends via text, and I was also taking note of what time each surge began. I took a picture of the birth tub set up at 10:52, and texted it to my family to tell them that we were actively waiting for our new baby at that point. The last few surges I took note of were 11:04, 11:11, 11:14, 11:20. I was fully in a clear mind for all of the above … and then something completely shifted after 11:20. Jeremy texted the text thread we had with our midwives at 11:26 after noticing a significant difference in how I worked through a contraction. Brooke texted right back and asked if they should head over. I managed to squeak out a “yes” at 11:31 before throwing the phone down for good. I absolutely entered transition at that point and knew there was no way out but through.

I continued to labor without physical support, that’s what felt right this time around. The rushes were one on top of another and I remember feeling like I wanted to be far away from them. I had this headspace of wanting to physically back up, like that would somehow get me out of each surge that I was needing to work through. But I had to go forward. Jeremy asked me at some point about filling the birth tub but I was past the point of answering questions.  I continued leaning over the corner of the bed and moving my torso back and forth while making plenty of low sounds every time I felt a surge come on. At 11:54 in one quick moment my waters broke all over the floor. It surprised me and scared me, I definitely screamed when it happened; I had no idea I was already that far along. My last two labors were very fast but this one was moving along even more quickly than they did. The very next contraction brought with it an absolute necessity to push. It wasn’t even something I could control- my body took over and started doing everything it needed to push our baby out.

In the meantime, Jeremy went to make good on our promise and wake up Harrison and Dylan, Denver already rousing in our bedroom. Dylan chose not to get out of bed (he said later  that he doesn’t remember Jer waking him up), and Harrison came and sat on our bed, bleary-eyed with Denver. 

sweet emotional support from my bleary-eyed boys

Brooke and Allie, along with their assistant Roslyn, arrived maybe ten minutes later, shortly after midnight. I was pushing with each contraction and so ready to be done, it was so much work and felt like it was going slowly.  Baby’s head was born around 12:31 and then everything quieted down.

Calm urgency, that’s what the next minutes felt like. Pushing was no longer helping baby descend farther out, and the umbilical cord was around the neck and too tight to pull over the head. While the cord around the neck is not at all outside of the realm of normal and is often not an issue, my midwives noticed quickly that a variety of factors was causing my baby to lose oxygen, as noted by baby’s coloring.

Something I appreciate so fully here- the actions, attitudes, and skill of my midwives. Not even for a moment did I sense any fear or nervousness or alarm from them, which meant that not even for a moment did I feel any of those things. Brooke calmly noted that baby had to be born as quickly as possible, and with my okay she helped the process. Under her direction I moved into a position that gave my pelvis a wider opening for baby to pass through, and Brooke helped baby come down a little farther. She then found baby’s left hand hanging out on its cheek and once that arm was born, the rest of our baby followed, right into Jeremy’s hands at 12:33, in the earliest morning hour of April 2nd.

I was wiped out and felt very much outside of myself for a few moments. While I came back down, baby was taking a minute to do the same. Jer held baby, and he and Brooke gently encouraged our little one to use its lungs with quiet voices and light touch. After a brief wait, baby began to make some boisterous cries- just as I was ready to have my little one in my arms. 

At this point baby was behind me as I was still leaning over the corner of my bed (birth tub all but forgotten about in this quick labor), so I pushed myself up and baby was laid down on the floor in front of me so I could get comfortable. With my brain being everywhere and nowhere all at once, the only thing I was focused on was holding my baby. So it came as an extra surprise in that moment to look down and very clearly see my baby BOY. I had forgotten, after all the work of the past hour, to even consider the gender of our little one, and there he was, beautiful and perfect right in front of me. I scooped him up to my chest and wrapped my arms around him and exclaimed to everyone in the room that I wasn’t wearing my glasses and couldn’t see anything but very clearly saw a penis. We all had a laugh, and welcomed the fourth boy of our family into the world.

raw & real, I love this picture captured by Roslyn

And like most of our boys, he was quite hearty at birth. Before he was born, he was estimated to be a very average size, maybe 8lbs or so. Apparently he tucked himself in very well, it was evident as soon as he was born that he had heft to him, and sure enough- another boy surpassing 10lbs!

10lb 1oz, 22”

never would have guessed we’d get use of this onesie four times!

Oscar ever-present for all four labors, in the thick of it with me each time

and always standing guard for our newborns

It’s been nine months now since we first held this sweet little one in our arms. His name is Griffin, and yes it does indeed fit our accidental theme; Jeremy introduced me to the 1970’s band Bread in our early days of friendship in college in 2005, and while the name Griffin came up during the late stages of my pregnancy with him- outside of the umbrella of musicians- it was clinched after he was born when we realized one of the founding members of Bread is Jimmy Griffin. We chose David for his middle name. David means “beloved,” and who is more loved and doted on than a youngest sibling? In our true fashion, Griffin didn’t have a name for his first 24 hours or so, but having him in our arms and watching his brothers interact with him helped us find our way to both of his names.

beloved indeed

His earlobes were folded up when he was born and never fully “fell down,” I have a feeling that his hand up by his ear while I was pushing him out was not an anomaly!

Griffin has been such a low-key, joyful, easy baby. He was our earliest smiler- right at six weeks he gave me his first smile. His entire face lights up when he sees his brothers, and he has been doing his best to keep up with them. There is no keeping him away from Jeremy the minute he gets home at night. Our cat Toni has taken it upon herself to sleep next to Griffin nearly every night as he falls asleep and he often has a hand in her fur while he’s sleeping. 

six weeks old

2025 was a wild year, navigating four kids with plenty of stressors on all sides, and that’s okay. Having these four boys to love and care for has felt so beautiful in the midst of the wild. I am so thankful for the last nine months, for 2025, for our family of six and the years ahead of us.

Christmas morning 2025

November 2025

—- —- —- —-

Our other birth stories:

Harrison

Dylan

Denver

—- —- —- —-

Oscar

It's beauty that captures your attention, personality which captures your heart.

Oscar Wilde

We said goodbye forever to Oscar on June 12. The sadness has come in waves; I can talk plainly about him or his passing one day, then the next everything gets caught in my throat when I’m reminded of him. We adopted him on February 21, 2015. Ten years and change doesn’t feel like enough time at all. If you know me, you know how much I love my cats, and you know how much I loved Oscar extra. He had such a personality about him, I’ve always said he was a lover AND a fighter. He greeted everyone at the door like a happy dog. And anyone who came into the house got the same warning- Oscar loves to be loved, but he’ll turn in an instant. We’ve all been bitten and scratched by him, many of our family and friends have too. He had his triggers, many remained mysteries to us. But his endearing side always won out.

I always wished I could hear his story from him. He was found on the streets in Southern California with a broken and bloodied tail. Under the care of the Orange County animal shelter his tail was amputated, and while there he developed a respiratory illness and was placed on their euthanize list, dated for Christmas Eve of 2014. A private rescuer pulled him before that date and rehabilitated him. His right eye was constantly weepy, and it was discovered that he had a deformed eyelid. His eye was removed while under the care of Kristi, the lady who rescued him from the shelter, and as I was browsing Craigslist one day the subject line “one-eyed tailless cat needs a friend” caught my eye. I reached out, and asked if anyone else had expressed interest in him. Turns out, I was the only person to message. I knew he belonged with me and Jer.

First day with Oscar

He came with his name- Oscar Wilde. He was striking- one ocean blue eye and long white fur with flame tips. I came to realize a few years later that he must have had some Maine Coon in him- so much fluff in his ears and in his paws, and such a unique face. He was brought to our house for a meet and greet, and so that we could be vetted in person. The moment the cat carrier door was opened, he waltzed out onto the living room floor and claimed our apartment as his own. It was official, and he knew it.

Oscar proved immediately to be social. He was with me anywhere I went in the apartment. He slept in our bed from the first night. He made himself known, always underfoot or in the corner of my eye. He was wild. Only 1-2 years old so he still had some kitten qualities, but he was also just a bit … unique … crazy … wild … unhinged, honestly. He chased me around the apartment in his early days with us, claws out, teeth ready to puncture. It was playful with a side of terrorizing (or maybe terrorizing with a side of playful). He clearly needed an animal friend, and when I saw that the woman who rescued him had another one-eyed cat who needed a home, I figured “why not?”

More than a hint of wild

Emmy Lou came with the name Jackie, but we were figuring on a EGOT of kitties someday, and Emmy sounded like a nice name to add to our pack. Quite an opposite from Oscar, she is a stout brown tabby who had been living in an outdoor/semi-feral colony being cared for by wonderful people who wanted them to thrive. We got her at 5-6 years old, wizened by her outdoor time and the years she had on her new playmate. She did not care for being social with us or with Oscar, but he had other plans. When we first met her she stayed in the cat carrier on the floor, and Oscar immediately zoned in on her and sat right in front of her. In the weeks that followed we didn’t see Oscar as much as we were used to- he was spending all of his energy sitting patiently near Emmy wherever she was hiding; under the bed, behind the couch, in the closet- she wouldn’t let anyone too close but he tested her boundaries 24/7. 

Oscar and Emmy’s first meeting

His efforts finally won her over, and I credit Oscar and his big personality to Emmy coming out of her shell and eventually being the (mostly) friendly cat she is today, 10 years later. Having the two of them settled Oscar’s crazy down, and I no longer needed to worry about him bounding after my ankles with his claws out.

Later that year in October, I found a 3lb kitten in a parking lot, super friendly and chatty. I couldn’t just leave her there, so I brought her home and put her in the bathroom away from the other cats until I was able to think about the next steps. Jeremy got home from work and fell in love with her- Oscar and Emmy were not lap cats of any sort at the time, and this little kitty just wanted to be held and loved for infinity. So we added to our cat EGOT that day, naming her Toni Wonder. She was secluded in the bathroom for a few days, and Oscar was frantic to get close to her, always waiting by the door, and often sticking his paws under it to show his efforts. When they got to meet face-to-face, he was incredible with her. I’d find them cuddled up together, his paws and legs literally curled around her in a hug, and he would often groom her, to the sounds of both of their loud purrs. Emmy and Toni tolerated each other, and had their sweet moments together, but Oscar was the glue that bonded the three of them.

I was a few months pregnant with Harrison when we brought Toni home, and Oscar seemed to have an awareness of the changes that were happening in our family. While I labored at home, he was by my side. He greeted Harrison immediately when we came back from the hospital with him, and throughout much of my post-partum time nursing on the couch, cuddling in bed, watching my baby with so much wonder- Oscar was right there with me. 

just after we got home from the hospital

checking out baby Harrison with my Mom

Harrison's first birthday

Our next three boys were born at home, and Oscar was a constant presence throughout the entirety of each birth. After Dylan’s birth, my midwives commented on how he was next to them the whole time, intently observing. He climbed into bed with me to meet Dylan in the first few minutes after he was born. 

While I was laboring during Denver’s birth, Oscar hung out with me and reached up to rest his paws on my stomach as I was approaching transition. While Harrison and Dylan were on the bed to be present while I labored in the birth tub, Oscar was right there with them. He once again came up to me and Denver within minutes of his birth. 

Paws on my belly while I was in labor

Hanging out with the boys while I was in the room laboring

fresh newborn Denver in my arms

Denver's first birthday

Griffin’s birth was so fast that I hardly had time to get my bearings once I was really in it, but looking back at a video of his birth, Oscar was there on a chair next to me, as close as he could get without getting in the way, watching with such a curiosity, even with some sort of anxious care, like he wanted to make sure I was okay. He continued to be in the action after Griffin was born, never more than a few feet away from me. He yet again climbed in bed with us once we were settled and stood right at Griffin’s head, like a guard cat. I enjoyed many weeks of post-partum snuggles with Oscar at our side, until his behavior started to change, and he became more solitary, indicative of his failing health. 

a few moments before baby was born

I'm on the other side of Oscar, holding freshly born Griffin

a moment of post-birth euphoria, Oscar not missing out on any action

observing the umbilical cord being cut

watching over his new family member

first "family picture," 12 hours after Griffin's birth (Denver asleep next to me)

Griffin was 10 weeks old when we had to say goodbye forever to Oscar. I’m sad that Griffin won’t grow up knowing Oscar, but certainly thankful for the little bit of time that they overlapped. I’d known for a little over a year that Oscar might be the first of our cats we’d need to say bye too, and my heart was gutted at the idea in general, but also specifically at the idea of him not welcoming our fourth baby into the world with us. Oscar has been such a strong presence with each birth and newborn, and I’m so glad to have had my “doula cat” in full personality so close to his last day.

Griffin at one month old

always in the baby gear

Oscar had many quirks. One was a habit of walking around the house with random items in his mouth, while meowing loudly and sorrowfully. He would do this most often while we were out of the house, and I’d come home to find one of my slippers on our bed where he slept, stuffed animals around the floor, dirty laundry misplaced from where it had been left. He would do this at night sometimes when we were in bed, and if I called to him he would come up the stairs with whatever he had and bring it up in bed with us, typically a kitchen towel or a dirty pair of underwear. Sometimes he’d grab something that was far too big or heavy to carry, but he’d do his best, walking awkwardly while it trailed under his belly. Never a lack of amusement from his unique personality.

always bringing my slippers onto the bed

various objects I found Oscar carrying around

I have a small jar of coconut oil that I use to remove makeup at the end of the day. Oscar would always come find me when he heard the jar open up, and it was our nightly routine for me to give him some on my finger, him happy for a nighttime snack. This nightly routine is a continual reminder of his missing presence.

Oscar was often with me whenever I practiced playing violin. For a spell I recorded my practices to post with the title "Playing out of tune with a baby and a cat." Oscar was the only cat to consistently hang out with me, simultaneously disliking hearing the violin but wanting to be as close to me as possible. Occasionally he'd swat at the bow as it moved up and down.

Oscar, along with Emmy and Toni, was a cross-country cat. Born in Southern California, he road-tripped to Kentucky with Jer and his Dad when we moved from Los Angeles. Nine months in Kentucky and then another road trip with me and Harrison and Dylan (and early pregnancy with Denver!) to eastern Pennsylvania.

Oscar enjoyed being outdoors, and would explore on a leash for the most part. He escaped the house a few times; when we lived in Kentucky we found out the hard way that he could open the sliding door of the walk-out basement we lived in. We woke one morning to find it wide-open and Oscar nowhere to be found. Jer went on a frantic search through the neighborhood and found him exploring just a few houses away, not a care in the world. While we were living in Quakertown there was a night that we somehow left both the garage door and the house door to the garage open. Not one of our finer moments. I was petting Oscar early in the morning when he jumped into bed asking for breakfast, and wondering why I kept pulling burrs and twigs out of his fur. Once I got out of bed I realized our error, and after deciding to ignore how the night could have gone for our cats (we lived in the middle of the woods), I was thankful they were all inside and we could laugh about their overnight exploring adventure.

the basement door he escaped from (kept locked after that adventure)

Oscar’s ultimate decline snuck up on me; my world had just changed enormously welcoming Griffin into our family, and I wasn’t the main caregiver for the cats for a spell. All at once, as it seemed, he stopped eating and lost a lot of weight. He was less present around the house, preferring to sleep in a specific spot under the couch day and night. I noticed his breath smelling very bad one evening, and after realizing the implications of it all (chronic kidney disease) the grieving process really started. After a truly agonizing few days, I called a mobile vet service to come to our home to help us say bye to him; I couldn’t handle the idea of stressing him out on a car ride in his last hour. The boys and I took him outside to give him time to explore on that last day. Harrison and I were present for his final moments, filled with pets and cuddles, as he drifted off laying next to me on the couch. I gave Emmy and Toni ample opportunity to come to their own understanding of Oscar’s passing, and then brought him to my parent’s farm where Jeremy met up with us. All six of us were together while we laid Oscar to rest among many other beloved family pets and special livestock. 

Oscar was never “just” a cat. He was a constant companion; while he appreciated all people and even most other animals he met, he chose me to be his person and we had a connection that I have not experienced with any other animal in my life. There will always be animals in my life, but there will never ever be another Oscar. 

this fluffy mess of love will be in my heart forever